C'ESt la vie (That's just the way it goes)

Well, it's been quite some time since I last updated the blog.  Then it was IBC, now it's CES - the Consumer Electronics show, which is held every year in Las Vegas during the first week of January.

There are those in the industry who will tell you at length how much they dislike this trade show in particular and Las Vegas in general and it's not hard to understand why this may be the case.  After all, it's a fair old shunt from Europe, even if you travel to the West Coast regularly, It is often not possible to fly in directly and sometimes multiple connections are necessary.  This time I flew Berlin-New York-Phoenix-Las Vegas and had the joy of a 5 hour layover in Newark inbound and a 10 hour hiatus in Phoenix on the return.

The snow at Newark had all but melted, but a plane still slid off the runway at JFK

Other complaints concern the gaudiness of the city and how everything and everyone is fake.  One ex-colleague once lectured me on how much better Hong Kong is, although his arguments revolved largely around the proliferation of talented ladies whose company (and more, obviously) could be procured at far more attractive rates than in the original City of Sin.  Personally, I think there was more than a smidgen of 'beggars can't be choosers' about his preference, but that might just be me being spiteful.

Not a chooser, yesterday.

One final complaint is that the Annual Adult Video Awards ceremony, attended by the big swingers of the Porn world, is no longer held during the same week.  Sadly, the change happened before my time, but I've heard some good stories from older hands which I may anonymise and repeat here some other time.

Me, I love Vegas. It's a microcosm of all life on Earth and what with having been made more family-friendly in recent years, it really does offer something for everyone.

No, this is Vegas, actually.

DJs Tiesto and Calvin Harris have residencies at two of the nightclubs, while Britney Spears and Celine Dion are also in town, and you can even have a bit of Matt Goss doing swing if that's your thing.  There's even the odd hotel that doesn't have a Casino! WTF?

Cirque du Soleil have 8 shows on The Strip each one more amazing than the last, with the culmination being O. I'm not even going to try to explain it as words can never do it justice; just go and see it.  If PT Barnum was still alive, he'd be a bit miffed, I can assure you.

Take a look at the trailer

Like I said, I love the place.

However, I haven't fired machine guns or heavy artillery as one can, nor have I taken breakfast at the bottom of the Grand Canyon after flying in by helicopter.  My experience of the Gentlemen's clubs is limited to the surprisingly detailed descriptions offered by the young lady who drove us to the show every day.  And when I saw him, the lion in the MGM casino was very placid and his keeper-munching days were still ahead of him.

I can also only assume that the 'Orgasm Clinic' advertised by the Ticker guys handing out flyers on The Strip is a private institution and will not offer its services under Obama-Care.  If anyone has evidence to the contrary, please contact the author at your soonest convenience.

My reasons for not drinking as deeply as I could from the Las Vegas well are simple. I'm always there on business, so most of my time there is spent working. When CES is over, everybody is in a massive hurry to get the Hell out of Dodge; the exodus sometimes even begins before the show has officially ended!  That means any spare time I have I'm usually alone :-(  I don't want to visit something as awesome as the Grand Canyon on my Jack Jones, now do I?.  That kind of once-in-a-lifetime event I want to keep until I can share it with my family and friends.

Probably the biggest contradiction about my love for Vegas is the fact that I don't gamble, never have. I understand the attraction and if I was wiping my arse with 200 złoty notes, my feelings may be different, but I doubt it.  I do love walking the casino floors, particularly in Caesar's Palace and The Bellagio, watching the players, jumping at the occasional shriek of joy and feeling sorry for those with bowed heads, but you couldn't drag me into a seat at the tables. Don't get me wrong, I've been known to spunk a wedge or two in my time, but I always have something to show for it at the end.  It seems to me that the only thing I'd have to show for a few hours of poker or blackjack would be a sore conscience.  And a sore head because the drinks are free when you gamble, for the same reason my Dad put salty snacks on the bar in his pub - to encourage consumption.

Erm? Seriously?

And just as all life can be found in Las Vegas, so too can it be found at CES.  It may look a bit geekier and substantially more Korean than you were prepared for, but it's all there.  I'm not going to bore you with my hits of the show as I didn't have enough time to get around all of the halls and there will have been plenty of precis articles published by the time this one is.  However, I was lucky enough to have a 'female massager' demonstrated to me by a middle-aged lady who, while extremely charming, should really never have even heard of such apparatus in an ideal world.  I was also impressed by the drones than can fly in intricate formations, although the real winner here was my colleague who suggested programming them to patrol your house while you are out, sending live video to your smartphone on demand.  He's ex-US Military, you see.

Please put down your camera. You have 20 seconds to comply

The best thing to come out of CES this year was the new friendships I made. Two great guys (including he of the hankering for hovering high-tech home security) have done tours in the Middle-East and while their tales are incredibly humbling, they are both the most down-to-Earth people you could hope to meet.  Super-smart and unnecessarily handsome to boot, it's enough to make a man feel a little inadequate :-)